Let Go of Anger
https://youtu.be/xuNdJe1epSM
Tag: blaming partner
SEX IN A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP
When I work with couples, sex is seldom brought up as one of the predominant issues. I'm too old and have been doing this work too long to think that it isn't. What I believe is that bringing up sex problems is awkward and by the time it gets to my office, it's a very touchy subject because feelings have been hurt on both sides, more than once. What always stands out when I'm listening to each partner is how hurt each one feels and how rejected each one feels, yet, each one also believes that their partner isn't suffering like they are or that they don't care as much as they do. Imagine facing off against someone whom you believe is deliberately hurting you or, best case scenario, doesn't even care enough about you to try to hurt you. In that situation you want to fight for yourself, be heard, not lose any ground, hold your own, save face, avoid humiliation at all costs! Now imagine facing your partner, the person you love, who loves you, even if you're not in the mood to imagine that at this moment, do it anyway for the sake of this exercise. You...
Change Your Experiences by Changing The Way You Think
What’s different about those two scenarios? In the first one you created what you anticipated would happen by your behavior and attitude. In the second one you didn’t create a negative self-fulfilling prophecy, rather you created a positive experience and you’re happy that you didn’t waste time on negativity. This description of an experience is just an example. You can apply the same principles to any situation you’re in. Notice yourself and whether or not you’re experiencing cognitive distortions like “He/she is never any fun so I won’t have fun tonight.” You won’t have fun because you don’t expect to and your energy, attitude, and behavior will reflect that and you’ll create what you already thought would happen before it even happened. 2. What you believe about something is what will cause the consequence not the action. This is part of Albert Ellis’ theory of rational emotive therapy. He called it the A B Cs of Rational Emotive Therapy. He believed that it wasn’t the action (having to change your shirt before you went out) that caused the consequence. He said it’s what you believe about the action that will cause the consequence. In other words, if...