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Category: Personal Growth

POSITIVE EMOTIONS

March 26, 2014
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| Categories: Aging, Anxiety, Depression, Life Stress, Personal Growth, Seniors

Positive emotions in early life and longevity: findings from the nun study. Danner DD, Snowdon DA, Friesen WV. Source: Department of Preventive Medicine and Sanders-Brown Center on Aging, College of Medicine, University of Kentucky, Lexington 40536-0230, USA. [email protected] Abstract Handwritten autobiographies from 180 Catholic nuns, composed when participants were a mean age of 22 years, were scored for emotional content and related to survival during ages 75 to 95. A strong inverse association was found between positive emotional content in these writings and risk of mortality in late life (p < .001). As the quartile ranking of positive emotion in early life increased, there was a stepwise decrease in risk of mortality resulting in a 2.5-fold difference between the lowest and highest quartiles. Positive emotional content in early-life autobiographies was strongly associated with longevity 6 decades later. Underlying mechanisms of balanced emotional states are discussed. PMID: 11374751 OK, now that you've finished with all the nun jokes and/or Catholic jokes, think about this: It means you could live longer, literally, by having a positive attitude about your life. I've never ascribed to the "airy fairy" approach to living so I don't sweep negative energy out of my office by burning...

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ARE YOU LISTENING?

March 26, 2014
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| Categories: Personal Growth, Relationships, Seniors

When in a brand new relationship, isn't it amazing how much you have to say to each other, how you listen carefully so you can hear what your new love has to say, how careful you are not to interrupt, giving thought and consideration to your responses? And don't you feel heard and validated? Doesn't your new love make you feel good because he/she is so "into you." If you accidentally interrupt you are quick to apologize and wait for them to finish what they were saying and sometimes he/she tells you to go on, that they were finished, because they want to show you how polite and respectful they are of your feelings, to show you that they care about you and don't consider you rude for breaking in because that, well, that's just what happens sometimes when enthusiasm abounds. Now, fast forward that very same relationship five, ten years and notice how you are preparing what you're going to say next or remembering what it was you wanted to say that might not have anything to do with what your partner is talking about while your partner is trying to communicate something to you. If the discussion is...

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Change Your Experiences by Changing The Way You Think

March 26, 2014
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| Categories: Aging, Anxiety, Depression, Life Stress, Personal Growth, Relationships, Seniors

What’s different about those two scenarios? In the first one you created what you anticipated would happen by your behavior and attitude. In the second one you didn’t create a negative self-fulfilling prophecy, rather you created a positive experience and you’re happy that you didn’t waste time on negativity.             This description of an experience is just an example. You can apply the same principles to any situation you’re in. Notice yourself and whether or not you’re experiencing cognitive distortions like “He/she is never any fun so I won’t have fun tonight.” You won’t have fun because you don’t expect to and your energy, attitude, and behavior will reflect that and you’ll create what you already thought would happen before it even happened. 2.  What you believe about something is what will cause the consequence not the action.             This is part of Albert Ellis’ theory of rational emotive therapy. He called it the A B Cs of Rational Emotive Therapy.             He believed that it wasn’t the action (having to change your shirt before you went out) that caused the consequence. He said it’s what you believe about the action that will cause the consequence. In other words, if...

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MARRIAGE IS NOT A SOLUTION

March 26, 2014
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| Categories: Anxiety, Life Stress, Personal Growth, Relationships

You’re in a relationship; mostly it’s good, even great but about once a month or more the two of you have screaming, “I hate you,” fights. And the fights are often about the same things although each couple has their favorite: “Why don’t you tell your mother to stop calling all of the time?,” “Why didn’t you pay the bill before it was 30 days late?,” How come you never initiate sex?,” I can’t stand it when you get drunk and act like an ass,” “You have more fun with your friends than you do with me,” “We never go out anymore,” “Why didn’t you answer your phone/text?” You get the drift. In between those fights you get along and makeup sex is great, almost worth the fight, almost. Then one of you has a really bad idea, “Let’s get married.” Yes, a really bad idea because once you have that piece of paper between you that says no one is going anywhere without a big legal and financial hassle, there is a kind of guarantee so it’s easier to fight, say what you think, pull out all the stops. He/she isn’t going to just leave me so I’ll tell...

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BORED IN THE BEDROOM?

March 21, 2014
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| Categories: Personal Growth, Relationships

You don’t have to be married twenty-years to feel like having sex with your partner would be much more interesting if you could just watch TV oVer his/her shoulder. If you can relate even a little bit to that then it’s likely that your partner isn’t having a peak experience either. I know. I can hear the women howling as I type. Yes, ladies, he probably won’t turn away an invitation but don’t think for a moment he doesn’t wish you’d spice it up a bit. The chief complaint I hear from men is that their partner used to like sex but now she doesn’t anymore. She had a kid, she’s not sexual, she’s too busy, is always sick, and so on. First, if you’re not having a great time your partner isn’t either so don’t throw yourself into a silent sulk or get a sick headache. It’s your job to take control of the situation and make some changes. Recognize that your partner’s crystal ball isn’t working. You can wish all you want but, if you don’t say anything, nothing is likely to change. Don’t do the “I’m great and everything would be great if he/she would only change.”...

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WHO ARE YOU?

March 5, 2014
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| Categories: Anxiety, Life Stress, Personal Growth, Relationships

Here's an interesting article about a link between chronic stress and psychological problems such as anxiety disorder. How would you know if you're experiencing chronic stress? You probably read that question and thought it was a dumb question because doesn't everyone know if they're experiencing stress and wouldn't anyone know if the stress they're experiencing is chronic? Yes, a person knows what their subjective experience of their life is and was but people are also easily influenced and the placebo effect is around fifty percent. I often hear people admonish other people to "slow down," "take a break," "get rid of some of the stress in their life," "learn to relax," and so on or, even more exciting, are the people who suggest to other people that they're going to have a heart attack or a stroke or some other unpleasant life event if they don't get rid of some of the stress in their life. That means that someone could actually be feeling good as they're working hard toward a goal or juggling several life events at once or working long hours and a well intentioned observer (read family member or close friend) will offer an admonishment like the...

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