COMPLIMENTS ARE GOOD

I know. That seems obvious to anyone who is awake. Hold on there. Think about it. When was the last time you complimented your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife? Girlfriends compliment each other regularly, a lot. That’s part of being a girlfriend. People in other relationships, not so much. When was the last time your partner complimented you? I began thinking about this at the end of my “Tuesdays with grandchildren day” today. Every Tuesday I load up the car and take the youngest grandchildren to the movies or swimming or on a picnic, something to put some grandmother memories into them. As they get older, grandchildren have better things to do than hang out with grandma, especially once they have a drivers license. Fortunately I’ve had a steady stream of young grandchildren for the past twenty-five years so I’ve had the pleasure of seeing a lot of cartoon movies. This afternoon a little voice piped up from the back seat, “Oma, do you know you’re pretty?” Nine year old Logan was either looking for an ice cream before being delivered back home or he’s a natural and he’ll do well in relationships, probably the former but it did make...

Read More ›

YOU DESERVE

“you deserve flowers on your doorstep and coffee in the morning you deserve notes left on your dashboard and ice cream sundaes at 3am you deserve honesty every day and to be kissed every hour you deserve to be reminded how beautiful you are” --anonymous Came across this and thought about all of the couples I’ve worked with who did these things for each other when they first met and fell in love. This period is called the “honeymoon” period or the “infatuation” period and doesn’t have to go away. It generally goes away when a baby arrives or shortly after or the couple has been married longer than two years even without children or there’s some sort of family crisis, illness or death in the family or there’s financial hardship. Every event in the list above is stressful. And these are the times when one or both of the partners begins to believe the other doesn’t love them or loves them but isn’t interested in what’s going on with them or says they’re interested but never comes up with any ideas for something fun to do or works late and doesn’t help out much at home and so on....

Read More ›

FOR DADS AND MOMS

This article is about a wonderful gift a father can give his child. It's also a wonderful gift a mother can give her child. Parents model adult behavior for their children. They also model what loving someone is about: caring, consideration, communication, tolerance. If a child doesn't have good role models the child won't know what is acceptable and unacceptable, won't have anything to fall back on when navigating a relationship that, like all relationships, hits a difficult patch. Read this article for insight and  inspiration. http://www.families.com/blog/the-best-gift-a-father-can-give-his-child  

Read More ›

INFORMATIVE ARTICLE FOR PARENTS of TEENAGE GIRLS

In general parents of teenage girls report frustration at the seemingly unpredictable and wildly fluctuating emotions their daughters exhibit. Sometimes the behavior is extreme and sometimes mild but most parents of teen girls will say that their daughters, in contrast to their teenage boys, spend a lot more time involved with emotional interactions with peers, girlfriends, boyfriends, what to do, what not to do, the dreadful breakup or the nerve of that girl trying to act like she's better and so on. And when a parent attempts to talk to their daughter about something seemingly dramatic taking place in her life, to help her make sense of it all or work through something, the parent is often rejected or told that "they just don't get it," exit to the bedroom, shut door, play loud music, talk on phone, ignore parent as much as possible until crisis passes at which point daughter who seemed to be on the brink of despair emerges smiling and talkative until the next time. This scientific article explains what's going on with the developing girl's brain during adolescence: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/news/science-news/2009/brain-emotion-circuit-sparks-as-teen-girls-size-up-peers.shtml

Read More ›

CHILDREN DON’T NEED PARENTS FOR FRIENDS, THEY NEED PARENTS

It's nice and even good when parents and children get along and enjoy each other. Unfortunately, sometimes it's a parents responsibility to take care of their child even if the child is angry and won't speak to the parent or locks him or herself away in their bedroom for awhile, when the parent parents. For instance, if your child asks if they can go spend the night with a friend, do you call the friend's parents to see if there's going to be an adult in the house? NO? Hmmmm, no wonder so many kids can tell me all about the parties with the alcohol and drugs they consumed over the weekend. Not your child? Don't be so fast to decide that. I work with kids from good families with loving, hard working parents. Children are children. They are not adults even when they are throwing a fit to convince us they are. Their brains aren't even fully developed yet. They don't always exercise good judgement. That's where you come in. It is your responsibility to make sure your child is safe and your child isn't safe if he/she is at a party where there isn't a responsible adult in...

Read More ›

WHEN TO STAY AND WHEN TO GO

It’s easy to say when to leave a relationship. Leave if you’re being abused physically or if you’re being abused verbally or psychologically and your partner won’t stop or agree to counseling. If your partner cheats on you and refuses to go to counseling, leave. If your partner has any kind of addiction, drugs, alcohol, gambling, Internet porn you don’t agree to, spending money he/she doesn’t have until the family can’t pay bills, and refuses to seek treatment, or sometimes refuses to even admit there’s a problem, you should leave because, unless someone wants to change, and then actively seeks some sort of support to create change like individual counseling, group therapy, AA, NA, or any other identified form of treatment, it’s unlikely they’ll change. Will power is seldom, if ever, enough to create lasting change. If your partner lies to you repeatedly, not white lies but big lies, for example, “I went to work today,” when he/she actually got fired the week before or “I’m going to my mother’s house,” and he/she doesn’t, instead going somewhere else, which they may or may not deny when you confront them, you should leave if there’s either an unwillingness to admit there’s...

Read More ›