Change Your Experiences by Changing The Way You Think

What’s different about those two scenarios? In the first one you created what you anticipated would happen by your behavior and attitude. In the second one you didn’t create a negative self-fulfilling prophecy, rather you created a positive experience and you’re happy that you didn’t waste time on negativity.             This description of an experience is just an example. You can apply the same principles to any situation you’re in. Notice yourself and whether or not you’re experiencing cognitive distortions like “He/she is never any fun so I won’t have fun tonight.” You won’t have fun because you don’t expect to and your energy, attitude, and behavior will reflect that and you’ll create what you already thought would happen before it even happened. 2.  What you believe about something is what will cause the consequence not the action.             This is part of Albert Ellis’ theory of rational emotive therapy. He called it the A B Cs of Rational Emotive Therapy.             He believed that it wasn’t the action (having to change your shirt before you went out) that caused the consequence. He said it’s what you believe about the action that will cause the consequence. In other words, if...

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MARRIAGE IS NOT A SOLUTION

You’re in a relationship; mostly it’s good, even great but about once a month or more the two of you have screaming, “I hate you,” fights. And the fights are often about the same things although each couple has their favorite: “Why don’t you tell your mother to stop calling all of the time?,” “Why didn’t you pay the bill before it was 30 days late?,” How come you never initiate sex?,” I can’t stand it when you get drunk and act like an ass,” “You have more fun with your friends than you do with me,” “We never go out anymore,” “Why didn’t you answer your phone/text?” You get the drift. In between those fights you get along and makeup sex is great, almost worth the fight, almost. Then one of you has a really bad idea, “Let’s get married.” Yes, a really bad idea because once you have that piece of paper between you that says no one is going anywhere without a big legal and financial hassle, there is a kind of guarantee so it’s easier to fight, say what you think, pull out all the stops. He/she isn’t going to just leave me so I’ll tell...

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WHO ARE YOU?

Here's an interesting article about a link between chronic stress and psychological problems such as anxiety disorder. How would you know if you're experiencing chronic stress? You probably read that question and thought it was a dumb question because doesn't everyone know if they're experiencing stress and wouldn't anyone know if the stress they're experiencing is chronic? Yes, a person knows what their subjective experience of their life is and was but people are also easily influenced and the placebo effect is around fifty percent. I often hear people admonish other people to "slow down," "take a break," "get rid of some of the stress in their life," "learn to relax," and so on or, even more exciting, are the people who suggest to other people that they're going to have a heart attack or a stroke or some other unpleasant life event if they don't get rid of some of the stress in their life. That means that someone could actually be feeling good as they're working hard toward a goal or juggling several life events at once or working long hours and a well intentioned observer (read family member or close friend) will offer an admonishment like the...

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ANXIETY A SYMPTOM OF DEPRESSION?

Yes, anxiety and irritability are common symptoms of depression. People are surprised when I suggest they are depressed because they don't feel lethargic or sad but feel restless and anxious. Read more about it here:https://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/depression/symptomsAll posts unless reposts are copyrighted by MJ Klimenko and can't be duplicated or copied without permission of the author.

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OF COURSE HE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU!

 That doesn’t mean he wants to be in a relationship with you. I’ve worked with many men and women who put themselves on one or more of the online dating sites. I help them with their profiles and with the photos they post. We also talk about things to look for, “red flags,” when meeting someone. Here are just a few. I’ll add to this topic in future blogs: 1. Everyone should have a hobby of some sort, golf, painting, dance, marathon running, knitting, something they do because they really like doing it and they would do it whether or not anyone else was doing it with them. It’s impossible to run a marathon by oneself but it is possible to love running marathons so much that one would sign up for and train for marathons even if no one else did. Other things, like painting or writing, are definitely solo activities. If the person you meet doesn’t do something besides their work or parenting, something they do that they love doing, you can expect that person to think being in a relationship means being together 24/7, and I can’t think of a faster way to kill a relationship. 2. ...

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LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES

            This article pertains to teenagers because consequences are different depending on the age and stage of the development of the child.             First here’s a list of things you need to know about your teenager as they individuate and separate from their family of origin, returning once they’ve successfully navigated adolescence: 1.  Every teenager needs:            a. some rules that never change like they can’t take the car to Lake Tahoe to hang out with their friends for the weekend and having a cell phone is dependent on getting at least a C average in school.             b. some rules can be negotiated like, “If you want to go to the movies after school and you know I don’t let you go to the movies after school what can you do in terms of school work that will show me it’s O.K. for you to go to the movies with Susan this afternoon.”             c. some freedom to choose. If she wants to wear a purple hair extension in her hair it’s fine. 2.  Your teenager will tell you and act like they are in complete control of their lives in word, thought, and deed, especially if they’re hearing something...

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