DEPRESSION, WHAT IT IS, WHAT NOT TO SAY TO SOMEONE WHO HAS IT

Here is a link to a blog article about depression and what well intentioned people shouldn't say to anyone who is depressed. The interesting thing about what not to say is that most people will be tempted to say at least one of the eleven listed because they seem so, well, helpful or distracting or humorous. None of these eleven statements are helpful to people suffering from depression. Depression can be situational or a person may have a genetic predisposition for depression and, in either case, there are better things to do. For one, encouraging a depressed person to share with you what they're feeling then listening and responding with empathic statements like, "It sounds like you're having a hard time right now," or "Tell me how you're feeling so I can try to understand." Taking the time to listen without comparing what they're saying to what you feel or your Aunt Gertrude feels can be very comforting and even helpful to a depressed person. Here's the link to what not to say: www.medicalbillingandcoding.org/blog/11-things-you-should-never-say-to-someone-with-depression  

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SUFFERING

“The foundation of all mental illness is the avoidance of legitimate suffering.” -Carl Jung No one who is suffering wants to be told that their suffering is legitimate suffering. Mentally Healthy people want the suffering to stop, want to return to a mental place where they are no longer suffering. If you are looking for a sign or a guide, this post will help you. That makes sense. Emotional suffering can be just as awful as physical suffering. I can tell someone that their suffering won’t last, that even if they do nothing a better day will come or, at the very least, they will grow and learn new ways to be that are more rewarding  but no one has ever skipped out of my office praising the virtues of suffering no matter what I say to them. Still, Carl Jung, the founder of analytical psychology, made a good point with his statement. Suffering is part of the human condition. No one escapes suffering. The question is what is legitimate suffering? Here’s a partial list: 1. You lost a loved one to death, divorce, or illness. 2. You lost something you valued, a job, a home, a pet. 3. You...

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NOT A GOOD DATE?

Dear MJ, My friend likes to take the bus trips to Reno for a fun time out. We live in an assisted living complex so I like to get out too but I don’t always like to go on bus trips, especially when it’s always to go gambling and have a few drinks. I wouldn’t mind going with her sometimes but when I ask her to do other things with me she says she’s too busy. Is she really my friend? What should I do? Sincerely, Not a Good Date Dear Not a Good Date, You’re probably are a good date, and I bet you’re a lot of fun to be with on the bus trips, otherwise she wouldn’t keep asking you. In any friendship, the hardest thing to do is talk about things that might make you or the other person uncomfortable. You need to change the way you think about “uncomfortable situations” and realize that “fact finding” conversations don’t have to be uncomfortable at all. First, it’s important that you come up with more than one thing you like to do so you can offer your friend a “menu” of other fun activities. Maybe you like longer trips...

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FINDING YOUR VOICE AS YOU AGE

Of course, finding your voice at any age is great, as many people are too focused on what other people think and not what they feel or think. For seniors, however, finding one's voice is especially critical because so many assumptions are made about seniors today. Here are some common one: All seniors prefer to be with their families over all other activities. All seniors have nothing to talk about but their aches an pains. Seniors have given up being sexual. Seniors are grateful for the things others take them to or invite them to and are happy with that. Seniors don't know how to flirt, be silly, joke around, dream about the future, have great desire and passions. These are just a few of them. I could list many more. We, as seniors, need to find a collective voice that tells this country who we really are, not just tax phobic, insulated, half bathed elderly people who hope someone will invite them somewhere to get their minds off of worrying about their health. We were young once and have a lot to share, we have stories about the history of this country, about the history of where we live,...

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THE END OF WINTER

Even though we know we need water to end the drought, we are tired of cold, gray days and we long for spring's first warmth. Winter doesn't seem so bad until it's gone on for a few months and then, as impatient as if we were standing in front of a microwave waiting for 30 seconds to end, we want sunshine, we want to go outside, shed our jackets and coats and feel the sun (O.K. slathered in sunscreen) on our eager faces. Some people might notice they feel more irritable, some a little blue or blah. Nothing seems interesting and curling up under a soft down comforter seems like just the right thing to do. The acronym SAD was devised some years back for a newly discovered type of depression called, Seasonal Affective Disorder, basically meaning: Where is the sun and why is it so cold and why can't I ride my bike, walk my dog, run on the beach, and how many more days do I have to stay inside? SAD is particularly prevalent in places like Alaska because of the long months of twilight and cold temperatures. Light banks have been used successfully by many and they...

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FEELING EMPTY

Our feelings are very important, even negative feelings, because they tell us something about ourselves. Just like a pain in our foot indicates there's something wrong with our foot, and we need to pay attention to it or we could injure it further, negative emotions are signals to us to pay attention. Feeling empty isn't the same as feeling lonely although it's a kissing cousin and could be there as well. Feeling empty is how a person can feel even when they're in a relationship, one they like. Drinking or using drugs might fix that feeling in the short term but in the long term it will only make the feeling worse. Schools today have had to stop emphasizing the arts because of "No Child Left Behind." Teachers are forced to teach for the tests and cannot allow time for very much creative work. So, children aren't learning how to self-soothe by pursuing individual creative interests. Being absorbed in painting, writing, photography, and many other types of creative endeavors allows the individual time to separate from the external world and become completely absorbed in what they're doing, following their own noses, so to speak. Shopping doesn't count, going to lunch...

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